A Heart with a Hole is not incomplete

Yesterday I met an old friend for lunch and we had a heart-to-heart talk about our lives. It was the kind of chummy, very comfortable kind of chat where the time you haven't met just flows past and you fill in the blanks just like that. :)

Admittedly, my love life has not been too fantastic (actually, what love life? *chuckle*!) although we know that life goes on, and being single has its benefits too. Still, I had a lot of thoughts as I took my usual walk around the neighbourhood. Tonight though, I detoured just a little and spotted a tree from afar. It had a heart-shaped canopy which I found rather pretty (yes, I get sentimental a lot.) As I came closer, I saw that the 'heart shape' was not exactly 'whole'. It looked like a heart only from my direction, while there was actually a 'gap' in the leaves. I don't think anyone around saw what I was seeing.

That was when I had another epiphany from Nature. It was a message meant for me perhaps. :) Just because a heart isn't 'whole' doesn't make it less complete. We've all left bits and pieces of our hearts with someone else, but we can be like that tree and still stand tall, and just because it is merely one tree among so many others, doesn't mean someone will not spot its uniqueness.

3 things I learnt during my most recent trip to Malacca

On impulse last month, I booked a coach ticket and hotel stay for one in Malacca for 2 nights. The day I left (31 July), I almost regretted it as I rued the absence of my usual travel companion-  my cousin Karen. The journey took 5 hours and I realized people viewed a lone female traveller unusually. The bus driver tried to be friendly with me when we arrived in Malacca and I was the last to alight, so I was all too happy to check into my room quickly. But it was not without a moment's hesitation. I had not travelled alone for more than 10 years and initially, the silence unnerved me. That night, I met my old friend there and he took me to his mother's home to enjoy homecooked Peranakan food. :) I also met his wife and cute little son.

On Day 2, my adventure truly began after a very sound night's sleep. I explored the town on foot and got totally lost at Jonker Street. Miraculously, I found myself outside one of my favourite cafes and settled down for lunch. Then I did the usual touristy stuff and I asked myself why I was there by myself. By nightfall, the answers came. I was there to find myself, and for many years I could not answer the question. It was about finding my purpose in life, and to face my demons. When I did, it wasn't that bad at all. In fact, nothing bad happened.

I also decided that I had to let go of the past and move on. What is past is past, and I can do nothing to change it. I can only live each day right and as meaningfully as I can. Then when I do look back, it will be worth remembering, and I can honestly say that I am living my life well. :)

Travelling solo has its perks too.

My letter to the Straits Times, published on 15 Feb 2013

Nurses who made a difference

THE article ("Health officials in strong defence of nurses"; Sunday) reminded me of the two times I was hospitalised - in KK Women's and Children's Hospital in 2005, and in Thomson Medical Centre in 2008.

Both times, I needed to have ovarian cysts removed and I remember two nurses who took care of me.

On the first occasion, I was hospitalised for unbearable abdominal pain.

As I lay on the hospital bed, I began hyperventilating and a nurse came over to comfort me.

She rubbed my fingers to try to relieve the pain, then dashed to the pharmacy to get a painkiller for me.

She was still gasping for breath when she administered it to me.

I was hospitalised again in 2008 for the same problem.

I remember a nurse who would quietly pop into my ward at night to touch my toes to check if I was cold, and cover my feet with a blanket.

In times of pain and ill health, the actions of nurses bring great comfort and relief to patients.

Nurses are certainly not "low-skilled" workers.

It takes a lot of patience, courage and heart to be a good nurse.

I appreciate the health-care workers out there and thank them for their work.

Sophia Tan Chay Lee (Miss)

The Path to Happiness

Hammy likes to take slow walks around the estates because at night, when the spirit is soothed by the closure of the day, many thoughts that have percolated slowly make their way to our consciousness, including things which we already knew but have forgotten. During one of those strolls last week, Hammy heard a small squeak from within my psyche. "When was the last time you remembered to be happy?" Yes, remember. So often in life, we are somehow led to believe that happiness is extrinsic. Advertisements try to make us believe that all the time- 'Buy X, and you will have more time for the things that matter in your life.' 'Try Y, and your problems will be solved!'

In truth, products X and Y are unlikely to bring any real joy and the short-term thrill that comes with them will be expended before long. To be truly joyful, and I am not talking about the fleeting short-termed thrill that comes with shopping, one must make a conscious decision to be happy. This kind of happiness does not depend on someone else or something to be obtained before one can be happy; it comes purely from the inside. One must set parameters for what makes one content, and decide to be thankful for our blessings daily.

A Tale of 2 Soldier Ants

A few nights ago, Hammy was taking one of my usual night strolls when I spotted a soldier ant crossing my path. I know ants have that urgent 'I need to get somewhere kind of look', but this one looked FRANTIC. It was all alone, walking very quickly in a disoriented manner and the night was getting dark (if that matters to ants). It seemed to be furiously trying to find its way by picking up some old scent trail, and I stopped for a while, wondering where its home might be. Suddenly, another soldier ant appeared from the grass. It did a little ant wave and must have said something to the other ant, because the lost ant immediately turned. "Here, here!" The other ant seemed to be saying. "Home is THIS way!" The bewildered soldier quickly followed the other. Pity it was too small for me to see what a look of relief would be like on an ant's face.


Sometimes we just need a kind soul to show us the way. 

A Response to news articles regarding flood in Orchard Road last week

Dear Editor,

I refer to 18 June's ST article 'PUB's work comes under scrutiny' where Members of Parliament and experts "questioned if a lack of maintenance was behind the flooding of Orchard Road on Wednesday". While I do agree that PUB may need to increase the frequency of drain checks, I wonder how much of the debris that had caused the drain to be choked had been made up of tissue paper, plastic wrappers and other types of litter carelessly tossed by pedestrians who assumed that our regular army of cleaners would clean them up. 

It is typical of Singaporeans to cry for blood and find someone to take the blame when things go wrong. However, this incident may be a timely reminder indeed, that our littering habit has finally caught up with us and nipped us in the butt where it hurt most. Damages caused by the flood could amount to hundreds of thousands, if not millions. 

While authorities such as PUB can install more sensors to detect rising water levels and so on, the average Singaporean can also look at his own part to blame in this disaster. Perhaps, just as the flood was made up of millions of small drops of rain water, ultimately creating the massive force that swept through Orchard Road unexpectedly, the debris that choked the drain at Orchard Road may also have been the consequence of several bits of litter thrown by inconsiderate Singaporeans daily. 

What's worse, while business owners were frantically trying to save their goods from being soaked by the gushing flood water, passers-by happily looted the goods that had floated out of the shops, some even asking their friends to join them. Does this behaviour reflect our status as a developed nation? 

If the flash flood had taken place during the Youth Olympic Games, I would be more embarrassed by Singaporeans' behaviour than by the flood itself.

(An edited version of my letter was published in the Straits Times on 19th June.) :)

The Curious Case of the Handbag-carrying male

You would be hard pressed to find a Singaporean man carrying a handbag when alone. In our island state however, Hammy has observed a curious phenomenon- men carrying their girlfriend's handbag for them. Most of the time, it is a small, dainty carrier. The man carries it along with her shopping, slung over his shoulder as nonchalantly as if he has carried it every day of his life, while his girlfriend saunters down Orchard Road with nothing in her hands.

Some men say that they do it because they care; I can't say the same for the girlfriend though. Why in the world would you make your man look so effeminate carrying your little pink pouch? Most of the time, it seems to be an issue of ego. Doggy cares for me too, but with gestures like remembering special events, my likes and dislikes, often observing quietly. He does carry my shopping, but never my handbag. Girls who allow their boyfriends to carry their handbags seem insecure, as if the bag lays claim to him. The pink tote says a lot, "This man is mine. What can yours do for you?" Lots, I'm afraid.